Once upon a time there was this boy, a senior in
college, who had a total crush on a young woman who was a junior. She was
totally gorgeous and very smart and also very nice, like, I mean, she
never got drunk, you know? She was so pretty and so popular and so cool
that our hero couldn’t believe that she even noticed his existence. A lot
of his friends would go, "That chick really is crazy about you," but he
thought they were just making fun of him. And some of her friends were
like, "She’d really enjoy going out with you."
But our hero, who was a very shy boy (all boys are shy
even if they don’t act that way, but he was very, very shy) thought that
they were making fun of him too. His family had made a lot of fun of him
when he was growing up, you see. Well, the young woman, whose name was
Fiona, sat next to him in American Lit class and talked to him before and
after class (about American Lit naturally) and stopped to talk to him when
she met him on campus (about American Lit or about the women’s basketball
team on which she played), and about all he could do was reply with animal
noises like he was a freshman in high school. You see, he thought she was
making fun of him too!
Well, she kind of hung around his family at graduation
and they thought she was totally cool. His mother was like, "That young
woman is in love with you and you’re a total retard (that’s the way people
talked when his mother was in college) if you let her get away." He
thought his mother was making fun of him too. So he’s like, "She doesn’t
care about me at all." And his mother goes, "There’s no one so blind as he
who will not see."
My story has to end here, alas. Except I must tell you
that Fiona represents God.